Nov 30, 2007

Death is nothing.

3 days ago, my landlord died in his room. He was my roommate.
We didn't know he died there, so I think we slept at least one day with a body. It's scary.

Wednesday night, his family came, and they found he was death. At the time, I opened the front door, because they didn't have a key. After I know he died, I could not stop shaking. His ant cried.

The day, I saw two CSI, and I talked with many policeman. I think it was not bad. They didn't suspect me or his family at all, because they believe he died due to overdose of cocaine.

I was not so close to my landlord, so I didn't feel sad. I, however, cannot stop thinking about him. It is not because he died, but because the death itself give me deep impression.

After he died, many policeman came, and they investigated his room. 2 hours later, all of them went out. That's it. Nothing has happened any more. I think it is weird. Because a death should be special. But actually it is not. Nobody cares. How sad it is. I think I'm sad in that reason.

Maybe I can die one day accidentally, and I'm sure nobody would remember me. Some of my friends might be sad one week or two weeks. But what does it mean? Nothing.

I think ironically only love is able to make the death special. It is because if we hate someone, we would not miss him.


Anonymous said...

On the one hand, we can't help being melancholy about the unbearable lightness of being accompanied by death.

But on the other hand,if we recognize that after several hundred years or even shorter, say after decades, nobody will remember what we have done. We are released from the stressful life and trivial matters we are facing now from the perspective of long run. "In the long run, we are all dead! " Isn't that seeming somewhat appealing to those who are suffering from their miseries?

By the way, I doubt whether love can be the final antidote of the loneliness of being,especially taking into account the unstableness of passion. I tend to trust more in one's own creation and invention that would influence the whole society as well as the mental health and power of soul.

When living together with his or her mate, one learns how to continue a long long dialogue rather than simply enjoying the happy time together. Life is not all sweet overall.

Good luck!


Anonymous said...

My problem is that I don't fear death of myself at all, but the death of my beloved. I would like to leave them before they leave me. The sorrow of losing is such a unbearable thing in my life.

I was lucky till now, nobody that I understand well has been separated from me by the way you mentioned here, but what if it happens? I don't know...

I once heard a story that a men left his wife because of diseases, the lady suffers a lot when he passed away. But several days after that she got a letter from his husband, the handwriting of him cheers her up, invite her to join a friends' party, shopping with her mom, go out and date with someone else... Several months passed, the letter never stop and the lady feels her husband in this way that she never feel lonely. Jay, to me, it is the loving who make the dead still alive in her mind. and the happy life she has in the real world can be a proof that he loves her. What a wonderful story it is.

OK. You may miss my point in this story already. let me say it clearly here---Maybe, we all need to enjoy the life, not only for ourselves, but also for the love we would like to show on others' living. The life itself should be treated as the essence of the loving, instead of treating loving as essence of life.

Please tell me what you think...

Black Beauty

Jay said...

I want to talk about love more, but not here.

Now I cannot imagine what I would feel if I was so close to my landlord.

Somebody told me if something is gone, you can find how important it is for me. Don't go away friends, plz

Anonymous said...

wow. Black Beauty! you must be a romantist (i guess you may be female.)

i was really much impressed by "The life itself should be treated as the essence of the loving, instead of treating loving as essence of life." cause i have a long long story about love and life.

1 month after i began to hang out with my ex-gf, i heard that she was suffering from serious disease.. she said to me.. "it's possible i might not live for that long time."

as you know, many people postpone doing something they really want to do, saying "i will do that someday in my future." but me and my ex-gf didn't have much time to do that. we couldn't wait for our future.

it was a big lesson for us. we have to find what we really want to do in our life. we did everything we want. although i was crying often due to the fear about her death, i could be always happy. because we did the best thing every time.

the only one treatment i can do for her was to make her really happy. i was not a doctor in physical. but i was a doctor in mental. to make her happy, i had to be happy first.

frankly saying, she was not my ideal type at the first time. but the more spending our time with feeling happy, the more deeply i was falling in love. i realized loving is the living itself. i realized how important being happy is for the love. and she'd recovered from her disease by a miracle in spite of docter's bad prediction.

you know? before i met her, i thought i had to meet someone 'special' to make me live happier. right, i thought loving was the essense of life. it's true that love make us happy. but i misunderstood love has some kind of 'duty' to make happy life.

wow. i'm losing my point. while swimming in my memory, i forgot what i intented first. sorry for irrelevant with Jay's original article. -_-

anyway my conclusion is 'life itself should be treated as the essence of the loving', although she might say that with different meaning.


Jay said...

Kevin// Did you tell me she become better? I'm glad to hear it. Maybe you can see her anytime which is good.

Anonymous said...

i didn't tell you about that. yes, it's good news that she was recovered. but i cannot see her healthy looking anymore cause we broke up..

i'm listening to a title song of a movie thinking of her.. she's gone. and past love left memories.. tonight is lonely night.. hh.

anyway now she's ok. and she will be ok always.